


4. Emergency Room

by InfinityIllusion



Series: On the First Day of Christmas maisumi Gave to Me... [4]
Category: Bleach
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Established Relationship, Gen, In which people say "fuck" a fair bit, Ishida and Ichigo snarking at each other, Kisuke is Sir Not Actually Appearing in This Fic, M/M, Relationship Reveal, and Ishida pretending he doesn't care, apparently I really love writing them just snarking at each other, despite the title this is very much a light hearted fic, he cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityIllusion/pseuds/InfinityIllusion
Summary: It must be said that Ichigo has a(n understandable) bad habit of ditching his body.  Sometimes this gets him into trouble.  Sometimes, the trouble is not (as much) his fault.Ishida would just like to not have to call Kurosaki to tell him the location of his own body anymore, thank you.
Relationships: Ishida Uryuu & Kurosaki Ichigo, Kurosaki Ichigo & Sado "Chad" Yasutora, Kurosaki Ichigo & Zangetsu, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Series: On the First Day of Christmas maisumi Gave to Me... [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075151
Comments: 2
Kudos: 113





	4. Emergency Room

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maisumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisumi/gifts).



> Sorry, maisumi, I know you're not in Bleach.... This probably makes less sense without the context, but just know that Ichigo (understandably, because danger) ditches his body in various places to run around in soul form and that he's got talking sorta weapons/sorta bits of his own soul in his head and hopefully it'll still be enjoyable!
> 
> (Aka: I'm back to Bleach fics and zero out of ten people are surprised.)
> 
> On the upside, this is a happy fic!

* * *

“He’s waking up.”

“Back up, please, we don’t want to overwhelm Kurosaki-san right now.”

Ichigo blinks up at the white, white hospital ceiling.

 _Again_.

He feels the ache in his chest, how stiffly it’s being held in place by bandages ( _again)_ and does not sigh.

The Old Man sighs, not him.

“Kurosaki-san, how are you feeling?” A concerned voice from his right asks gently.

“Fine.” That’s probably not the correct response considering everything, and since this isn’t the Kurosaki Clinic and it’s not Goat Face checking up on him he adds, “Uh…my ribs hurt.”

Zangetsu is cackling loudly enough that Ichigo can almost hear it with his actual ears and not just his mental ones.

“And my head,” he adds a bit spitefully.

“I see,” the nurse makes a note. “I’ll let the doctor know that you’re awake. In the meantime, please try to relax and sip some water. Your friend has been very worried about you.”

Fuck.

“Thank you,” Ichigo replies instead.

As soon as the nurse leaves, his so-called friend leans over his bed.

“So, Kurosaki, what was it this time? Another Hollow you got distracted by? Cat in a tree? I know, a kid was crying so you took them for ice cream before konso’ing them.”

“Ishida, you suck,” he groans before trying to mash his face into the terrible hospital pillow. Unfortunately, the various things he’s hooked up to and his damaged ribs don’t like that.

He can’t even suffocate himself a little bit to get out of dealing with Ishida after doing something stupid. He must be at Karakura General.

“This your dad’s hospital?”

Ishida scoffs. “You’re just lucky that I happened to be passing by when I saw your body enter the Emergency Room.”

“Yeah, thanks for calling me.”

He gets a scoff in reply.

“So? What was it this time? Mundane stupid or end of the world stupid? There’s no in between for you, Kurosaki.”

Ichigo still resents that he can’t have this conversation through a pillow. Or not at all.

He could, theoretically, just pop out his body and carry it home – and he absolutely would, if he wasn’t in a hospital – just to avoid this conversation despite Ishida doing him a favor and calling him about his lost body. Or Ichigo could just head over to the Urahara Shouten. Or to Inoue, who’d be nice and not have this conversation with him, and would probably heal his ribs.

“Not end of the world,” he ends up mumbling to the convenient partition to the left of his bed.

Zangetsu gets even louder in his laughter, and even the Old Man is chuckling. Ichigo hopes they both choke. It’s not like it’ll kill them.

“Well that’s something,” Ishida drawls. “What kind of mundane stupidity, Kurosaki? You owe me for the call, and the hospital bed.”

Ichigo does sigh this time. At least since his soul is back in his body he can sort of take advantage of Zangetsu instantaneous regeneration. It doesn’t work quite like that in a human body or as well as Inoue’s powers on a human body, but faster healing is a plus most of the time.

“So some of the thugs from high school wanted a fight, which was whatever. If they wanted an ass-kicking they got one.”

“And this has what to do with you misplacing your body?”

“I’m getting to it! Jeez. So they decided to try and jump me on the way home, I kicked their asses, called them an ambulance, stayed ‘til I heard the siren and then was headed to the Shouten.”

“So it’s Urahara-san’s fault.”

“Shut up. I made it to the Shouten and Getaboushi was working on something or another down in the training room. I was talking to Ururu and Jinta was bugging me about Karin and soccer, and then I was in Heuco Mundo.”

“So it’s Urahara-san’s fault.”

Ichigo ignores this interruption, continuing his story slightly louder. “So then I have to harass Zangetsu into helping me make an Gargantua, only we didn’t come out over Karakura, we ended up over in England. And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re a bit far from England even if you _shunpo_ or _sonido_ the entire trip. And that’s not accounting for airplanes and drones and shit.”

“If you were at the Shouten, why the hell was your body at the park two blocks down the street from here then?”

“I don’t know – I was in England! Or like, over the Middle East or whatever depending on when someone found it or it got there!”

Ishida stares at Ichigo, gaze cool and radiating as much judgement as possible without further facial expressions.

“So it’s Urahara-san’s fault and you’re an idiot.”

“Fuck you, Ishida.”

“No, thank you. But if you ask nicely I might just spring you before the doctor arrives.”

“ _Please_ get me out of here before the doctor arrives and the police are called.”

“ _Fine_. But only because you owe me, and I don't want to have to deal with the police.”

“Thanks, Ishida.”

In the back of Ichigo’s head, Zangetsu pops up long enough from their soul-scape to mutter, “Ya realize that the Quincy is right an' it _is_ the Princess's fault? An' also tha' this is pro'aly Tessai-san sayin' 'e’s fed up with ya and the Princess’s bullshit, righ' King? 'N also t'tell ya that you 'ffron'ed his _sensibilities_ when ya asked him t' mess up a Kidou.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I thought Kisuke’d like a quick holiday somewhere new and enjoy a game of spiritual tag. And I wanted to have just one date before we told everyone.”

Zangetsu snorts. “'Course yer lover'd enjoy a game o' tag spannin' half the damn world only mildly tryin' t' kill each other.”

“You can’t say you didn’t enjoy it either – you’re the one who suggested tag in the first place. Besides, you like them too.”

“I admit nothing.”

“Wow, sounding almost refined there, Zangetsu.”

Ishida clears his throat. “If you’re done arguing with yourself, we can go.”

Ichigo shrugs. “Sure, thanks again Ishida.”

“Whatever. I’m going to find out what you’re hiding Kurosaki.”

“Yeah, yeah...” Ichigo will never heard the end of it if Ishida figures out what Ichigo left out of his story, including just how long it actually took him to get back to Karakura, but it was totally worth to see Kisuke as free as he had been on their trip.

Two weeks later when he actually tells Ishida about the fact that he’s dating Kisuke, Ishida’s first reaction is to swear and call Chad. Because apparently Chad was right about who Ichigo was dating, and that the incident two weeks ago was about a date in the first place. Ichigo respects Chad a lot, and he’s grateful his friend knows him so well, but that seems a little too on the nose even for him….

He’ll nudge him about it the next time they meet up. For now, though…. “Why the hell were you even betting on that? Why not the next insane thing that’s going to happen in our lives?”

“To _you_ , you mean,” Ishida replies venomously. “Honestly, why wasn’t it someone from Soul Society?”

Ichigo raises an eyebrow, “I mean, _technically_ ….”

“Shut up, Kurosaki.”

“Was your actual bet just ‘someone from Soul Society’? Not even the Gotei 13? Because if it was, then _technically_ -”

“ _Shut up_ , Kurosaki.”

Riling Ishida up is immensely satisfying and just his due for betting on Ichigo's love life.

* * *

Thoughts on who Orihime bet on Ichigo to date?

Comments and kudos appreciated!

~Fins


End file.
